I don’t know what it is about losing someone, but it makes you want to change things. Maybe it’s trying to regain control, or trying to be better, or something else entirely. I don’t know. All I know is that I want to redecorate. I want to cut my hair. I want to be cleaner. I want to be more organized. I want to cook. I want to spend money. I want to exercise. I want to never move a muscle. I want to change in every way, for the good and the bad.
I know this is all just in this one moment. It’s destructive and constructive at the same time. It’s senseless and logical.
The day that my grandfather passed away, my mom said she wanted to chop her hair off and asked my aunt if she would do it for her that night.
My aunt wants to go skydiving.
My husband wants to have children and shave his beard and cut his hair.
My twelve year old cousin wants to plan her wedding.
Everyone wants something different than what is actually in front of them.
I know this will get better, and I know that we will all find our peace, and I know that we will accept our reality.